'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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