how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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