I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
