I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
