My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
