I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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