We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
