How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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