idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
