Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
