matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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