one two three fourrrrnication!
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I am spending my child support on dildos
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
