So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
