How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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