Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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