I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
