you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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