I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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