Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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