No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
