honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You're a waste of cheezeits
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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