so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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