why didn't you poke me back
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
