Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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