...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
