I can text with my tongue
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
