I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
