Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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