My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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