i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
