i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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