Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
