you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
