I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize