why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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