dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
