you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
