just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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