Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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