I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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