Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
