I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
