Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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