Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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