If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
