Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
