Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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