Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Did I show you my penis last night?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
