i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
