this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I wish I only lived at night.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
