she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
