i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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