How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
