Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
