The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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