I just made out with a guy for $7.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
