Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
