I'm going to jail i love you
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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