I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
