If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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