it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
porn star boner night. come get it.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
