just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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