Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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