4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
