You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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