I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Farmville is her only friend.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My ass is underappreciated
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
