Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
