There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize